Being a Moderate Can Be Dangerous

I am a Democrat but I am a moderate and believe that I am in the silent majority of this country, that is moderate Republicans and Democrats. Recently there had been a controversy in this area about a local business which placed a sign in support of Voting No on Question 1 here in Maine. This is the question that will determine if same sex marriage is to be legal in this state.

As I guess might be expected this created a firestorm, those in favor stating that they would no longer patronize the business, and others proclaiming that they would now shop their more. Sort of a Maine version of the Chick Fil A argument.

None of this should be surprising but in watching these debates between friends on facebook and social media I was struck by the vitriol between friends, the seeming inability of people on both sides of the issue to remember that good people can have differing opinions.

I wrote a lengthy missive on my Facebook page about the need for understanding and that if we are intolerant of others opinions about tolerance then we are as intolerant of them. I feel that we have to understand that everyday this country becomes more and more polarized and that standing in our corners, amongst people who agree with us, shouting angry things at the opposite side is not going to solve anything.

Someone I care about greatly, one of my favorite people in the world, who, incidentally shares my opinion, in support of Question 1, was very angry and hurt by her interpretation of my remark. She felt that by saying that people could have their opinions even if they were bigoted that I was not correct. She felt that you had to stand up to people like that. I was sad to know that her feelings were hurt and felt that she must not understand what I was saying. I was simply saying that, of course, everyone has the right to their opinion but that hopefully in time if we felt strongly about something we could change those opinions. However she did understand what I meant and felt simply that if people had stupid opinions they did not have the right to have them.

And at that I guess we have to agree to not talk about it. If we ever get to the point where people are not allowed to have stupid opinions we better be damn sure who the arbiter of what is stupid is going to be. It is really a ridiculous statement, but yet this person is not ridiculous. This person is wonderful, caring, witty, and intelligent. This in itself is an indictment on our ability to converse with those we do not agree.

We wonder why moderate Republicans are becoming extinct and why Blue Dog Democrats are also almost non existent. It is because if you seek to work with the other side, to come to some agreement, to not let perfect be the enemy of good, you are rebuked from all sides.

There are some issues you cannot work around the edges on. Perhaps this is one of them. However I know this. There are many, in fact I would go so far as to say a high percentage of those who vote against question 1, who are good people. Sincere people who just, for a variety of reasons, are not comfortable with the changes that are happening so quickly in our society. I, myself, was not always in favor of full gay rights. I had no reason to be for or against, it just did not have an impact on me, I did not see the need for change. Over time my opinion changed as my life experience brought me into contact with more gay people. Here is what I know, on an issue like this that runs so hot, if you want to change someone's opinion you will not do it by screaming at them and calling them a bigot.

You could take out gay rights and replace it with any issue of your choice. Abortion, gun rights, the death penalty, legalizing marijuana, or many others. If you sincerely believe that only those who agree with you have the right to their opinion, nothing good will come to our society.

What did this experience teach me? That the polarization in this country is beyond the level that even I realized. If good people of different views cannot discuss a subject without throwing stones, verbal or otherwise, the outcome cannot be good. I also learned that if those who feel that we all need to work together, to have a sense of understanding and concern even with those we disagree, are rebuked for our beliefs that we will soon get off the playing field and all we will have left are the bomb throwers. That is a very scary prospect.