Walk in Their Shoes

Another recent article was about the increase in disability claims. Responses to this article were that most people on disabilty were not really hurt, they were gaming the system. The problem is of course is that it is easy to remember that one person we know that we think is not disabled. I can think of two people right now that I know are deemed disabled. Yet when I see them I might say to myself " I think they do not look that bad." But do I really know?

This past fall I got sick. We are still awaiting a diagnosis but it appears not to be a good one. i have a muscle diesease which is making my arms very weak, it hard to walk any distances etc etc. Yet when we go to one of my son's basketball games if you just saw us walk in and did not notice that I have to have a handrail to pull myself up or an arm to hold onto to get onto the bleachers, or someone set up my chair ( that someone carries in for me) before I set down you would not know the struggle I have. If you saw me after I was seated and did not notice we tried to let the crowd clear before we left. While a person should not be embarrassed to be ill we also do not want to attract attention, the result is many people think they know your situation.

I have been guilty of this as well. The comments I read stated that too many people were not really injured. For me that is a foolish statement. Inevitably there are some that are, there will always be people who try to get away with something. Perhaps we need to say we should not have disability insurance through the Social Security Program. If someone is injured there family should become poverty stricken, there are some that believe this. The issue is that no one thinks they will be disabled until they are. The easiest thing a person can do is have an opinion. The hardest thing a person can do is walk in someone else's shoes and have that same opinion.

In an earlier post I talked about poor parenting and children not knowing how to hold a book when they come to school. I hope I am not being judgemental then. I think that is part of parenting.

The point is we are all judgemental. We all should strive not be to be part of pointing out the problem, but part of an idea for a fix.

As for me I may or may not be disabled, when we get a diagnosis I will know more. But the choice between being seen as a fake or losing all pride and wallowing in it is not a choice a person should have to make. Most people I know that have an injury would suck it up as long as they could, I did but when they finally break down they should not have to be viewed as a cheat because of it.

The Bible says Do not Judge lest ye be judged. In all things we should remember this. I know that is my goal for myself

Why are we so angry?

At times recently I have made the mistake of reading the comments that appear below certain stories in the online version of the BDN. Simply put I do not understand who these people are that comment. They appear to be from a wide age range and from different economic groups but the comments are just awful.

I understand that in todays world thought out. well articulated and most importantly understated opinion does not get you anywhere but sometimes I just do not know...

A strange drug deal gone bad, kidnapping story in Brewer prompts comments of throwing them in jail forever etc etc. Then of course there are too many amenities and so jail is too good for them. As with most issues I do not have a solution but I do think that throwing everyone in prison for the smallest of offenses is something that does not work.

States are going bankrupt, reducing services, firing teachers and we want to place everyone in more jails we need to built. It ancient Rome people were exiled away from Rome for crimes or thrown off the Tarpanian rock. We have no place to exile a person to in these times, but the system is broken.

My wife teaches and loves her students. However the things she sees will answer a great amount of the questions we have about where these kids come from. Children who come to school and do not know how to hold a book, children whose parents never read to them, children who spend the night in a bar every night, whose parents are in jail. Look bad things happen to good people and we all make mistakes. We all do. But our country is fast developing a subset of people that live below the established middle class life and see no way to attain it.

How do we fix things.

A. I believe that children at the age of 3 should be eligible to attend public schools. Not full daycare but something that gets them exposed to reading and learning activities as soon as possible.

B. Drug education and DARE type programs in the schools fully funded.

C. Summer Job Programs and Community Service Programs with aggressive recruitment for all teenagers 15 and over. Acceptance into college should require a community service project and an essay about the work or project done. Teen unemployment is epidemic, it needs to be corrected.

D. Education needs to be a priority. Cutting education is not smart. Reassessing where our money is spent is smart, but cuts are silly

E. Mentoring programs and More guidance staff at all levels of the educational system

F. Boot Camp Early Intervention Schools for those that begin to get in trouble with drugs and petty crime between the ages of 12 and 16.

I am sure this is just the beginning.

The fact is this. Too many people have kids they have no idea how to care for. Too many people are broken themselves.

But why are people so angry. We are worried about our own lives. I myself have said in the past that too many people are just not good. But why are they not good. Are we saying that we all have good in us? Do we believe that?

I do not have the answers. Writing this myself I get depressed about how bad it can sometimes be. Yet we each must do the best we can. Practice the Golden Rule. Try to provide an example. Live your life like your Mom is watching.

Days getting Warmer

The warmth of the sun driving in the car these days makes one look forward to the thought of summer. I spend my time thinking about how to expand our garden this year and what to plant that we will actually eat. Turnips anyone?

I look at our new tree, planted last year, and hope to see it bud out with some leaves this year and show me that it has succeeded.

Next month we change the clocks, the kids return to school from Feb vacation tomorrow and my oldest son has baseball tryouts in just a month. Spring is coming.

In Maine it is hard to wait

Global Warming Ends With Massive Snowstorm

It has been decided. Global warming does not exist. I am so relived. I was worried. With the recent snowstorms along the mid atlantic states and cities of Washington, Philadelphia and New York have convinced many of our Senators that global warming is a farce. I am not a scientist. I also am not fully sold on the fact that global warming is true fact as designated by the scientific community. However much I find myself trying to be open minded about subjects I am close to being convinced that anything that Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin believe I must choose the opposite.

Recently my son and I discussed an article we read that actually gave some very good information about global warming. More CO2 goes into the atmosphere from the destruction of the rain forests than from all the cars, trains, planes etc in the entire world. Think about that. What this means is that to a great extent much of the global warming is not fixable in the ways we are told.

Another thought to consider is that there is a device which costs less than $200 dollars that can be placed on diesel fueled vehicles that captures the Co2 before it is spewed into the atmosphere. Also CO2 pollution from diesel does not go to the highest levels of the atmosphere but actually falls back to the earth as soon as it is rained on. So the long term effect becomes very low once these devices are installed.

Other scientists have noted that the years after the Krackotowa explosion on the 19th century that created the year without a summer created a global warming fix. That is could scientists seed the upper stratosphere with man made factors that could actually cool the earth. The answer is most likely yes. While this could affect growing seasons and such the truth is there are ways to control global warming in the future. The answer will not come however from things an average citizen in the United States do.

The idea of U S citizens seeing their quality of life go down to fix global warming while other counties continue to grow and prosper with no concern is ridiculous.

It may seem that I am arguing against global warming. I am not. I believe it is true, the science is real. However I do not believe the earth is falling as a result of it.

The folks equating snow and cold today and for that matter our rainy July last year with the lack of global warming are just foolish. The truth is global warming will bring about major weather pattern changes. This will not mean that we will all be warming. Some areas in fact such as Europe could move toward an ice age as a result of yes global warming.

Those who would give you a simple answer to a complex problem usually have an unseen agenda. There are very few easy answers to anything. Sticking ones head in the sand does not work but nor does saying the sky is falling. As usual the answer is usually somewhere in the middle. The middle is a pretty empty place to be these days.


When my wife is going to go grocery shopping if I have just eaten lunch I tell her I do not have any idea I cannot think about food. When I am full I evidently do not believe I will be hungry again. Thank God my wife does not follow the Sean Hannity approach and not go buy more food. Because when Sean is cold he cannot believe it will ever be warm again. Thank you wife for being smarter than Sean, Sarah and Rush and all their friends because deep down I know......I will be hungry again in a few hours.

Shared Experiences Anyone?

The Super Bowl had the highest number of people watching it than any television show in history. This number is skewed however in the sense that the 106 million people who watched the program represent a significantly smaller percentage of the population than the 105 million that watched the MASH finale in 1983. Our culture is splintered. The thread of common experience in today's culture of hundreds of television channels, the internet and much much more is a small thread indeed. I remember going into office's and noting that almost any industry has it's own trade magazine. Waste Management, Collections, Convenience stores, Petroleum companies, they all have their own publications as do most industries. This is how our entire culture is now. Republicans watch Fox, Democrats watch MSNBC, Black folks can watch BET, History buffs watch history, Game show addicts watch the Game Show network. Sat Radio lets us listen to music channels that are specifically programmed to what we like. This as a consumer can have a huge appeal. There is a danger however, if we only listen to music we know we like how do we broaden our horizons. If we watch television we only watch people who agree with us and are in our comfort zone. We all have heard stories about when President Kennedy died that the country had the shared experience that bound them together over that weekend. However at that time shared experience was much more common. The top rated television shows had audience shares that the highest rated shows today only dream about. When we talk about American Idol today at work with our counterparts or for my friends and I when the Sopranos were on we would talk about it the next day. We were friends, in the same demographic and socioeconomic group, all in the same place ( roughly) in our lives. This was not really a shared experience in that sense. People outside of our group, that we did not have much in common with were most likely not watching this show. No, a shared experience, is when a wide and diverse group of people share an experience which tightens the bonds of community. Should we depend on television to do this for our society. Of course not. However at this point anything would help bring is togjjether. A book was written a few years ago called Bowling Alone. It talked about how the joining culture of the 50's and 50's primarily of men has ended. I know this firsthand, when I bought my first house I lived next to a couple of older couples( one on each side ) who told me of being in Kiwanis, Elks, Speechmasters and several other clubs. Watching the old television shows of that area men would have lodge night etc. What has happened. I am not sure. Our culture is more diverse. Too much pleasure is available for solitary consumption. Women work. Husbands are expected home at night. I do not know the answer. I do know that I believe it is making for a lesser society. Our society becomes more and more polarized. I firmly believe that the paralysis of our government that exists today has a strong cause from Fox news and MSNBC. They provide red meat to those on the left and the right leaving the moderate center with no voice. What do they then do. They tune out so to get ratings what do these networks do. They put the more extreme on the right and left on the air. So who do our Congressman and Senators have to appeal to. Those red meat constituents. There is no center in our society because there is no venue for the center. The genie is out of the bottle. In a way we are in a reversal course to what immigrants did from Europe one hundred years ago where the goal was to immerse in the culture and Be American. I am not sure that people feel that way anymore. I am not sure Americans have enough of a shared sense of purpose and duty to accomplish the big things that we need. Even at the opportunity to have a shared sacrifice our government does not ask for it. After 9/11 our people wanted to help, they wanted to do all that they could. Our government instead asked for Americans to go shopping to show the terrorists that our way of life was not altered by them. In World War 2 rationing was constant and manufacturing was converted to war industry, Would our people do this now. I still believe they would. Our government however does not dare to ask, it is hard to blame them, as instantly half the public would be howling in the streets. Shared experience, Shared sacrifice. Will America be ready when the time comes. Nothing in our daily culture makes one think that we will be

Bangor- Brewer Round 2

I suppose this could be written about in my Sports Blog but this is not really about sports. After the negativity and concern of the last post I thought writing one about last night's Bangor Brewer basketball game at Red Barry gym would be good medicine. This game and the activity surrounding it provided a glimpse of a positive experience of our youth.

The game between two of the best teams in the state was played in front of a packed house, the doors closed at 6, an hour before game time as capacity was reached. The Brewer contingent, having traveled across the river, was large and confident.

My son played in the freshman game before the largest crowd he had seen all year as many people got there early to insure they had a seat. That game was well played and competitive before Bangor won in the end. The JV game was a full scale blow out as Bangor won by a score doubling Brewer. It makes me wonder with Bangor's varsity only graduating one senior how Bangor will be able to find playing time for all of the incredibly talented kids they have next year.

The varsity game was well played on both sides with Bangor winning by 13 after a dominating inside game by Bangor's frontline.

What I want to talk about however are the kids. The crowds chanting back and forth at each other in good natured fun. The players playing hard but with good sportsmanship throughout. The cheerleaders cheering, the fans clapping, the parents and adults for the most part being responsible and setting a good example. I am sure not all of the kids at last nights game are angels but last nights game reminded me of my youth. We all went to the games, we were not angels either but we were good kids. It was a time when school spirit was just assumed. I was pleased to see it from both student sections last night.

Many people criticize sports and I am sure that many disaffected youth exist in these schools. It is true that often times the kids who are at these games playing, cheering, experiencing the event are the ones who are already ingrained in the positive culture of the school. I am not a social scientist I do not know how to bring the rest of the students into the circle.

I just know that for those there it was a very positive experience, one I am glad my boys participate in.

The Grumpy Old Man Speaks About Gangs

A very disturbing incident occurred in Bangor last week when a fight between numerous teenagers ended with a young man shot in the chest and eventually losing his life. This has brought concern about gang activity in Bangor. It is a scary subject. We want to believe that we are immune to this activity in Northern Maine but, it would seem, we are not.

Since Elvis Presley first appeared on Ed Sullivan parents have complained about the music their kids listen to it. The question becomes is the music the result of the culture or is the culture the result of the music. I do not know. I have two sons, my second son is my step son. I love him and want him to be successful and have no doubt he will be as he is a very driven young man. At age 12 he is very enthused with the ( here is the grumpy old man part) rap music, funky shoes, and sideways wide brimmed hats. When my oldest son was younger or even now for that matter I was clear pull your pants up, no stupid hats and fortunately for me he never really embraced that culture. My middle son however watches MTV and downloads all the songs that I think embrace a culture that is not good for him. He is a good boy and I know he has no idea but when the shooter in this gang activity wears sideways hats , has a Little Wayne poster in his room and is clearly influenced by this culture do we as parents have a responsibility to not allow our children into this same filth.

My wife would say she is sure that many people have been shot by people listening to Bruce Springsteen or Neil Young and she is absolutely right. However no one with an objective view point can think that allowing your child to go too far down that road that is the gangsta culture is a good thing. At what point do we as parents not allow free expression. At what point does that limiting expression make it all the more appealing.

I do not know. I do not believe my 12 year old red headed son is going to end up in any gang anytime soon. I am just not sure, knowing what we know, if allowing him to embrace any aspect of that culture is a good thing to do. This is the same debate parents had about AC/DC when I was a kid or Ozzy Osbourne or countless 60's Rock Bands that we embrace today. I know this to be true. I just do not believe that we will be embracing Lil Wayne on an oldies tour 20 years from now.

Their is a young man dead in Bangor as a result of gang activity. There is a sweet little boy who likes to listen to the beat in rap music. I can deal with it, even understand the appeal. Am I wrong for not wanting my boy and the man who shot the gun to be wearing their hats the same way?

Being a Sports Parent

It is hard to be a parent of a student athlete. Some of our sons friends parents are not at many games, some parents cannot be of course with other commitments and some of our their teammates are blessed/cursed with parents like us who try to be there for everything. I want my children to do well. I want them to succeed. Most of all i want them to be happy. With my kids happy usually translates to doing well. I remember watching some children when my boys played little league, some kids would go off happy and smiley win or lose...my kids are a little more competitive than that. Wired different I guess. I remember my oldest son playing his very first farm league baseball game at age six. He played the game and had a good time but as the score was not made an important part of the game was shocked to find out at the end they had lost and shed some real tears.

As your children get older sports become very competitive. There are limited spots and many kids that do not even make the teams. There are also many kids that make teams that get to play very little. My oldest son is on a team at his high school, just the freshman team. He has played on average about 15 to 20 minutes a game, started a few, came off the bench in more and overall had a pretty good year. He is still growing and hopes to be successful but knows that it will be a challenge. He is an ultra competitive kid, this has been a good experience for him to face some adversity. That said at least six to seven of the kids on the team have played no more than a total of 15 minutes all season. This is difficult. Is it the responsibility of a coach to get everyone playing time. At the varsity level no, for the JV and freshman team it is a difficult choice. As a parent I am glad my son is playing as much as he is. I also know that he has worked hard to earn that playing time, I am not sure if I am a believer that everyone should play the same. All but a few kids as they get older will run into that point where their athletic ability hits a wall against the competition. As parents we want to extend that.

My 12 year son in seventh grade is also ultra competitive. As opposed to his 6 foot 2, 14 year old step brother who is still growing into his body and perhaps still growing, he is 4 foot six and all heart. His size is the only thing holding him back as his intensity and effort are always huge. However this year he made his junior high basketball team which was a huge victory for him. However his playing time was limited and he was disappointed in that. I too was disappointed for him, but in the opposition from my oldest son would I favor his playing time increasing. Do junior high boys want to win any less. Do the boys that have more talent and have worked harder not deserve to be rewarded for that with playing time. I am not sure, my vote would be no.

Which brings us to an incident in a game I went to Monday night. In the girls game previous to my 12 year olds last game of the season a parent was distressed by the lack of playing time for his daughter. This is common and a feeling we all can understand. However he from across the gym started yelling at the coach. Loudly. By the time everyone noticed where the sound was coming from he was yelling about his daughter only playing 20 seconds. Of course this prompted his daughter to burst into tears on the bench and the gentleman was escorted from the building. I understand frustration. I suspect in the coming years I will feel that as my oldest son starts to hit his limits and my middle son continues to struggle. How a parent however can think that yelling in a crowded gym at a coach will make things better for his daughter is hard to know.

So what do we do as parents. Do we support the coach who hurts our kids with his choices as a man or woman doing their best? Do we tell our kids they deserve to be playing no matter what we may know in our objective hearts. I follow the rule in that during a game I might tell my wife or friends around us that our son is playing poorly or making a mistake. I would not say the same about other players. I might say Oh thats not what we wanted...but I feel strongly we do not want to criticize other players.

At this same game last night I heard parents complaining about what they perceived as poor play from players. Saying the boys are not playing well is acceptable. Saying Boy A is not hustling is not a statement that anyone but his parents should be saying loudly. We also saw grownups trying to bother free throw shooters from the opposing team. This is understandable in college and perhaps even at the varsity level of high school, if by the students. Not at the junior high level.

At one event, a junior high game, I was left shaking my head three times over events. I make mistakes, I am sure I take too much happiness about if my sons hit a ball or throw it in a hoop but I do think life lessons can be taken from sports. Unfortunately not all of those lessons are about the right way to act, in some cases they are about the wrong way to act. A lesson is a lesson but we need to do better.

Waiting for the Warmth- Maine on Feb 1

The days are getting longer. It is apparent each clear afternoon as we are now six weeks from the shortest day of the year. As it stays light later each day soon we will begin to feel impatient for spring and summer. I am impatient for spring on the first day in the late fall when I realize it is too cold out to do what I want. In short I spend half my life waiting for the other half. This is no way to live life.

Most people have the weekend off, those work the traditional 9 to 5 that is. For the purpose of this thought does that mean that in waiting for the weekend that they are spending 5 of their 7 days looking to the rest to actually live in and enjoy.

All of us need to do better. Life is too short. While I cannot do the outdoor things in the winter that I enjoy in the summer I should find a way to enjoy the winter months more.

Last week watching a television show about a gentleman who has been diagnosed with ALS and he spoke about his desire to live the left of his life to the fullest and that each of us should do so. This is something we all know. We all know that we need to enjoy life. We all have heard the cliches about no one on their death bed ever wished they had spent more time at work etc etc.

In the last few years I have had two brothers, a good friend from college, a niece and a nephew pass away prematurely. All of them thought that their lives would be much longer. None of them have a chance to change things now.

As I wait the diagnosis of my illness I tell myself that I need to enjoy life, do what I want to do.

This is the conflict in our life. We are told to plan for the future, squirrel money away, save it for a rainy day and yet we do not know how many days we have left. How does one balance the two. In the movies when an asteroid is heading for the Earth the powers that be worry about telling people, after all people who know they have a limited time on earth will act with abandon. If people all knew the point of their own demise the world would fall apart. This is why we are not allowed to know I guess. Only people terminally ill are allowed to know and they usually are so depressed they cannot mess up the world.

Last summer my wife insisted that we take a trip to Florida with the kids. My thought at the time was we should wait, there would be a better time for us financially. She was right. With my health concerns that trip was not one we could take in the same way again.

i guess in life we never will know the balance between enjoying today and looking forward to and planning for the future. I surely do not. I do know this however, we do not know the future, so sometimes when given an opportunity to make our future we better do it.

Me I am not waiting for spring. I am turning up the heat, putting on my shorts and putting on sunscreen. My living room is my backyard. Sometimes you cannot wait