What If It Was Your Child

I like to think I am a pretty regular parent. I want what is best for my kids. I would like to help them avoid mistakes that can be avoided and hope the mistakes they do make are ones they learn from and that they do not bruise to much from.

When I hear about all of these young people killing themselves because they are gay or lesbian, or have been outed as such, or bullied as such it makes me rethink how I would react.

As a man well into middle age we usually do not change much. I have always of course said I would love my kids no matter what but we so often hear about parents who disown their kids, kick them out of the house etc. I could not imagine it before. Now I do not even think that is sufficient. Now I think as parents we have to be proactive. Now my ex wife one day in passing said don't make it seem like it is too OK you will encourage it.

To me that is just not a real worry. Gay people are born. Now I know we all have seen the Girls Gone Wild things and yes it is true that seemingly many young people ( mostly girls) experiment a bit with same sex activities while in college. But for those people who are gay or lesbian based on the laws of attraction I do not think there is any real doubt that these people are made this way by nature. Is it a faulty chromosone or something I do not know. I think it is also pretty clear that not many people would choose to be gay.

What I wrote in the last paragraph about a defective gene would make some folks who are gay upset. Any implication they are defective is hurtful to them and understandably so. Still if they ask the heterosexaul majority to understand science proves they are who they are not through choice then they must understand that scientifically and biologically we are supposed to be heterosexaul. From a scientific perspective that is our purpose. To procreate.

Beyond all that however I am done saying that if my child is gay or lesbian I will love them. The other night I said to my two boys " Not that I think you are but listen to me if you ever find yourself feeling like you are gay I want you to know that it is not the end of the world, we love you and support you. Do not do anything stupid. " I am a man that is about as delicate as I can be. I also told them and listen guys just as importantly there is a real chance somebody you know, a friend might be and might tell you...for goodness sakes be supportive and help them and be a friend."

I would not wish my child to be gay. I want their life to be as easy as possible. But the thought that my child or anyone's child could feel so alone as to hurt themselves over who they are attracted to. We need to really think about what we are doing.

The way to fix things is not by worrying about crazy people like the minister who pickets funerals saying how God hates fags. We need to make sure that we the huge majority of people in the middle are doing all we can to let those we love know we love them through thick and thin.

So yes in middle age I guess I am now a person who strongly believes in gay rights. DADT and laws forbidding same sex unions I don't know. I guess I have moved beyond it. If two people love each other the world is a scary place. I know lesbians who have adopted. One of the nicest people I ever worked with was a gay man.

The world needs more love. It needs less hate.

Just think if it was your child would you rather have them come to you in fear or know that no matter what you would be on their side. For me the choice is easy